The Ball Behind the Love of the Court
8. Me and the silence

Morning singing with the little birds singing. Mentari came to me who was still comfortable sleeping on the bed. When my eyes opened, it was already bright.

This hazy look staring at the wall clock already showed at 8 am. It seems like I'm late for school, so let it go. My body is crumbling and hard to move. Maybe it's the result of last night's blow.

Little by little I moved my fingers, then my arms and legs and knees alternately. My head came to move.

"Hmmmmmhuuuu" Withdrawing slowly and then throwing it in any direction is the best way to achieve calmness. After my hands and feet move, then my head and body.

Last night's clash made my body feel like it was in a squeeze. Even this cheek feels swollen and difficult to talk. Dry blood was beginning to show on my face.

I slowly got up and stood towards the window. My hand opened the window to breathe fresh air even though it was not early in the morning. The smile of self-indulgence to the Creator is again depicted in these face series.

I wanted to give up but I was still on my way. Wanted to complain to God but was ashamed to keep asking. Let this be the way to my not so good destiny. But at least there is still gratitude that I said because it is still given air to breathe again and continue the next life.

"Come key, you can" I muttered trying to encourage myself to get up again even though in the thickets of pain all over this body.

"You're strong, and you're great. The spirit" clenched his hands and raised upwards slowly.

I tried to walk around in my room. Come and come here to train strength. Afterwards stepped in for breakfast with the money I took from the savings of buying a ball. Looking for food without having to cook because I'm still tired to do.

Usually at the end of the road where the vehicle comes in and out, there is a Bu Yanti stall that sells various kinds of rice. Such as pecel rice, yellow rice, fatty rice and corn rice. There are also many other snacks but I still choose to buy food as necessary so that this money is not too I scatter.

"Mom, I buy rice pecelnya 1 only yes" While giving 1 sheet of money 10 thousands. Food here is very cheap because it still goes into the village. Rice pecel I can enjoy only with 6000 rupiah only. With kale vegetables and sprouts then added with an omelet side dish, tofu and tempeh. Enough to make my stomach full.

But I don't have to eat every day. Because mom never gave me pocket money except to go to school. Even today there is no money left, while the contents of the refrigerator are empty only 1 egg and 1 know. Enough for my dinner later. Or it could be that dinner and my lunch are raised into one.

"This is my son, just one right?" While giving 1 pack of pecel rice and not forgetting the money back 4000 rupiah.

"Good ma'am Thank you" This move rushed to leave after getting a pack of rice.

"Wait son" said Ms. Yanti who was in a hurry to chase after me. I immediately stopped my steps and fell silent inside the stall.

"Why is your face, son?" He said softly while feeling my bruised face.

"No ma'am, key just fell yesterday"

"Lying to you, it must be because of the man who was with your mother yesterday right" You certainly know but he chose silence.

Bu Yanti is my neighbor, his house which is about 40 meters from my aloof home at the end of the village. Ms. Yanti also understood my mother's behavior who went out at night and came home early in the morning.

Ms. Yanti never spoke badly about my family's life. Even Ms. Yanti often greeted me even though in the village many said I was an illegitimate child. Ms. Yanti also always avoids gossiping about my disorganized family.

"Here sit first" Bu Yanti pulled this arm and told me to sit down. He gave me a glass of warm tea as a warm-up to my stomach even if only a little. I drank it slowly, sip by mouth as if warming the body and also this wound both inside and out.

"Thank you ma'am" I said with a sad look at her.

"You if you want to tell a story, just say the same mom. Oh yes if later you do not have money to buy food, you just come here yes" I nodded in shame because I have a good neighbor like Ms. Yanti. While I still can't reply to anything.

"Before a while" Mom went into the kitchen, I don't know what she took but I was still waiting for her. Some time later, Ms. Yanti brought a basin of warm water and a handkerchief. Her soft hands washed my bruised face.

The touch of a hand is like a mother taking care of her child. This is what I miss so much, a touch of love from the hand of a mother until now I have never felt again. Not the touch of love given, but the touch of doom due to the punch of anger from the mother.

"Thank you very much ma'am" My lips trembled softly, unable to force my eyes to let out the details of the clear water soaking down the cheeks. Instantly my hand immediately hugged Yanti with the deepest longing. Small crying without a sound that can wet my face and clothes bu Yanti.

Bu Yanti's hand also welcomed this hug warmly, she hugged me like the embrace of a real mother.His hand stroked my hair slowly making comfort inevitable. After a few years I did not feel the embrace of love, only this time the warm embrace came back.

"Have a son, you don't have to be sad here there is a mother" Her hand gently stroked my head again. That touch makes me smile again. Then I let go and wiped away my many tears. Don't want to dissolve in pain too deeply. I say goodbye to Miss Yanti to go home.

"Mom, key go home first"

"Yes, be careful key if there is something you want, just come here yes" I grabbed the hand of Yanti ma'am to shake hands and say goodbye. His hands were rough indeed, but the love in his hands gently created warmth.

Back I walked alone, silent both in the gaze and in the heart. Grasping a pack of pecel rice that I will enjoy. Occasionally take a deep breath to try to calm the hurt heart.

Sit quietly and relax inside the house. Silence without the slightest sound. Even silent because it is far from the house of other neighbors. I devoured the rice pecel bu Yanti calmly. Spending a bribe after a bribe to fill my hungry stomach.

The limp body immediately returned refreshed because a pack of pecels I had spent. Next I was confused what to do, because there was no way I peddled newspapers or played ball with circumstances like this that were not stable. The wounds and bruises don't want everyone to know about my current situation. Let me feel alone and enjoy this pain.

My footsteps moved back to the room. Open a drawer that is outdated but contains memories. A worn-out photo looks fun. The smiles of my father and mother are beautiful and collide in a photo while holding me.

Petite kid in a very beautiful white dress. The innocent little one, smiled without understanding the bitter sweetness of life as it is now. The little one who smiled happily without sin. He is now grown up with his solitude. No more father's smile and mother's smile to protect. Just making friends in life feels dead.

*duarrrr* lightning strikes each other.

Lightning surrounds the universe that will rain. Black clouds shrouded in every crack of sunlight. Just like my heart is currently pitch black without lights and seems to want to die. The raindrops fell slowly soaking through the glass of the room window.

I looked at the falling rain spots, hoping it was a point of hope to have a whole family. Dew seeps between the sidelines of the rain glass outside increasingly heavy and become so-so. Coldness seeps in the dust. My eyes stared out the mysterious window. Pray to God the Creator of nature to protect the mother wherever she is.

"O Allah, my Lord, protect your mother wherever she is. Do not let my mother hurt God" I raise my hand to pray. Even though mom hit me, there was never a sense of resentment in my heart to hate mom. Because mother is the paradise I still have even though I have never felt the embrace of heaven until now.

To relieve fatigue, for a moment I put my body on the bed. Trying to fall asleep with the rain falling. Coldness seeped into the body, thinking back to when my mother made me a bowl of noodles. She gave me a blanket to protect me from the cold rain.

When there is lightning, my mother's hand will drive her voice into my ear. Mom tried to tell me about what she knew just to calm my frightened soul. After that I will sleep in his arms.

Let it be the past, if I remember it back it's so happy. But if I remember and permeate, it turns out that until now it feels very painful. Because my mother has changed her attitude since knowing many men.

While holding a photo and hugging a bobo doll, I tried to force to sleep. Grabbing the sleeping flowers that I feel for not being painful. My world is more comfortable than my real world today.

"Hi son, what are you saying?"

"Well cake, whose grandfather?"

"You don't need to know, you're going to be a great person and a lot of good people around you" I just nodded and sat quietly beside the old man.

"But remember, never forget to pray and try. Your journey is not always straight because there are still so many sharp turns and steep valleys that you have to go through" His hand gently stroked my head.

"How does cake mean? Is that a punishment from God for me? " I ask who still doesn't understand.

"No, it was a trial that God gave to his dear servant" I understood little but the rest was still not understood by my mind.

"Here you go, sleep well to calm your mind because you are a good boy" The hand gently stroked my hair until I fell back asleep in his lap.

*jenduarrrrrr*

The sound of lightning ringing in the sky was shocking. His voice went through the walls of my room. Making the window also vibrate because of the very loud sound.

*brakkk*

The sound of lightning made me jump out of the bed. My body was thrown onto the cold floor.

"Ohhhh, sick" Bruises that have not healed are now added with other injuries due to falling from the mattress.

Slowly I opened my eyes and this gaze stared at all the corners. Looking for something that was on my mind and right, looking for a grandfather who was talking to me.

"Grandfather, grandfather where" I cried in the room but there was no reply from anyone. Then I went back up to the bed and tried to see if there were any new wounds. It turns out that there is nothing, just that the bruise is getting worse because of the impact earlier.

"It's a good thing there are no more wounds, the old wounds have not healed and now want to add new wounds, oh where it hurts again" I murmured while looking at some leftover wounds yesterday.

When I was done seeing that there was no new wound, I went back to thinking about that grandfather. When heard from his voice, it was grandfather who gave me advice while at the bus stop at that time. He also came through my dreams as these eyes fell asleep among the torrential rain.

But at that moment it was just his voice while earlier he showed his face. I don't know who he is, but I feel so comfortable sitting next to him that I even fall asleep in his arms. True I said, the dream was more beautiful than the reality I am currently living.

Wishing mom would come and hug me again, let her leave the pain this time. At least he will come to bandage the wounds he inflicted. If you don't come, maybe hope we haven't been granted because I'm the little sinner who graced the bleak times.