Bella's Script
About choice

The atmosphere of the house tonight feels so quiet. Saras, Bella and Ozi, all at home but with their minds in mind. Ozi is still working on her photography projects and 3D videos, Saras is in the room and Bella is still on the balcony above.

Thirst brings Saras out of his room. He saw the 2nd floor lamp was dead but saw the shadow of someone who was still outside. After drinking, Saras decided to approach him.

It turns out there was Bella. He sat alone and looked at the family photo in his hand. Saras noticed these two days Bella was daydreaming more. Last night he heard a cry from his room. Saras just eavesdropped outside the room with Ozi. They did not decide to enter. Maybe her daughter needs time alone.

But on the one hand, actually Saras and Ozi are very worried about Bella. He still remembered the message of psychologist Bella that Bella was a woman who was very hard on herself. He was always trying to be independent, doing everything himself. But what is worth worrying about is that this is one form of trauma.

Bella has gone through many unresolved traumas. He has trouble trusting others that those around him can help him. And when he believes someone is there to help him, he will be very strong and closely trying to keep the person to always be by his side. Until if one day the person leaves, then the trauma will be greater and maybe even Bella will have difficulty dealing with it.

Saras grimaced when he saw his daughter's current figure. The fine state that Bella showed was never really okay. He faced everything on his own including facing a painful separation between him and Rangga. It's sad that he can't play much for his daughter and regret arises when it turns out that he can't make his daughter believe that he will always be next to Bella and help and support her. Bella may not yet have the confidence in Saras to tell her the problem with Rangga.

But one surprising thing happened yesterday. When Bella panics because Devan is sick. Only that day did Bella show that she needed the help of others, Saras' help was one of them.

"Well, please, how is this? Devan's sick!"

The girl was even confused about how to take care of Devan who was sick when this was a simple thing that he used to do when taking care of the people around him.

Either this time Saras should feel happy or sad. Glad that Bella is slowly starting to learn to open up to her. He shows his weakness by showing his anxiety to Devan until he decides not to go home to take care of Devan.

"Well, Devan needs to be good at the moment. He's always there when the dips are down, it's impossible to go home while Devan is alone here with his fever up to 40.2." That's what Bella said a few nights ago.

It made Saras sigh deeply and smile. But on the other hand, he was very afraid if then Devan disappointed his daughter. He did not want to if then Bella destroyed again for the umpteenth time. I don't know what he should do later. Just imagining it is already very scary.

Saras rubbed his face rough. He tried to keep his anxiety for a while. All he needs to do now is get close to Bella. Maybe he could have a deeper conversation with the princess and understand what Bella is feeling right now.

“Honey, How not to sleep?” Saras approached Bella who looked stunned.

“Mamah.” Greet her while rubbing the clear fur on her cheek that she was trying to hide.

“Bby mamah join?” Ask doubtfully.

“Hemh.” Short Sahut. He shifted a little to give Saras a place. Swing, where he spent his time thinking about things.

Saras sat next to Bella. He looks at the family photo taken last time Bella's seventeenth birthday. The day Bella looks so happy because she got a ticket to Disney land from her father. But sadly, that day was also exactly 2 days before the accident that claimed the life of her husband.

“Adek kangen papah?” Saras asked while looking at the husband's face with teary eyes.

Only a moment ago he was fond of in do’anya because he missed the husband, who would have thought Bella also felt it.

The girl only smiled crazily, for a very long time she had not seen the face of the father in the family photo. His facial expression changes every time he looks at Fauzi's face in the photo.

"Several years, adek always thought that papah went because of adek mah. Because of a terrible mistake." The girl looked at Saras with her red, teary eyes.

"Darling..." Lirih Saras who embraced Bella tried to strengthen but the girl just smiled.

He looked down to look at his father's face at the photo on his lap and a drop of tears fell on Fauzi's face.

"For many years also adek always feel papah following the adek through Ibra."

"Adek tried to make amends for all his faults through Ibra. Maybe their faces are too similar to sometimes scared. Afraid that Ibra might say, it was she who made life difficult and made him an orphan at a very young age."

"Well, I don't want to be a bad guy. Adek didn't want to make Ibra suffer." Bella looked at her mother with tears. Saras struggled to hold back his tears that still escaped.

"Adek tried his best to meet Ibra's needs. Everything is good for Ibra while hoping, so the guilt will be reduced."

"But unfortunately, there is one thing that cannot be given, namely affection as a parent let alone a brother."

"So I feel like I failed." Bella was stuck in her sobbing without a puff. He wiped his tears without taking his eyes off Fauzi's face.

"One day, he saw Ibra being hurt and despised. The boy did not cry much less ask for help. He just let others humble him. And Adek, adek just fell silent mah. When in fact, Ibra was treated like that somehow very angry but adek can not do anything." This time Bella turned to Saras. He showed his passionate emotions when he remembered that.

"At that moment, she felt adek had to protect him." Bella's voice sounded weak, she looked back at Fauzi's face in the photo.

"Adek asked him to move so that he would not be stamped as a pest again. He should know that he still has another place to shelter that can provide."

"But he said, what he needed was not a house. But people who can accept it and warmly welcome it when they are at home." Bella smiled in her tears. He wiped his tears slowly.

"The youngest son of papah turned out to be very sweet." Back Bella rubbed the fauzi photo gently. Her lips trembled between smiles while holding back tears.

"Yes, he's papah's youngest son." Saras who was beside him.

"He also said that papah's death was not a fault, mah. We've all lost papah and adek must take it." Bella was again trapped in her tears, in the embrace of the photo tightly.

Somehow his heart grimaced again, he felt slapped but at the same time he felt Ibra open her eyes that had been closed and still denied the death of the father.

Ibra was like a flame of a lamp that illuminated one corner of her heart that was once dark. Ibra makes Bella feel that she has to get out of the dark room.

"Son," Saras was no longer able to speak. All he was doing right now was just wanting to hug his daughter tightly. Real tight.

"Sorry adek, adek do not know exactly when the right time to tell mamah and brother about Ibra. Adek thought, maybe mamah will be sad, brother would be disappointed if he knew that Ibra was among us but it turns out, adeklah who is actually not ready to accept the presence of Ibra. Sorry ade mah..." Bella again made a soft voice.

"Darling,..." Saras rubbed Bella's head and kissed her. He tried to calm Bella.

"I've done the right thing, son. If you tell your brother and mother first, maybe we will not be this calm to accept the presence of Ibra. Our preparations to accept this reality, have not been as big as it is now."

"Adek must know, for mama, Adek and brother are the heart and heart of this family, also in the mamah life. While mama is a hand that may only hold you or wipe your tears when you are sad."

 If only when you knew, you weren't ready to accept it, maybe you were just busy caring for your own wounds and letting you both be destroyed."

"For mama, adek do it at the right time. Mamah appreciates the decision of adek." Firmly Saras without letting go of his embrace from Bella.

It turns out that true, Bella had a lot of trauma in her life but Saras did not know it. Akh, he is really sorry for not fulfilling his role well.

For a long time they were silent to each other with cries that were no longer held. They embrace to strengthen each other.

As soon as she was calm enough, Bella looked at the face of Saras who was now on it. Her eyes were still red with the rest of her tears that had not dried up completely.

“Mah," Bella's voice again sounded to make Saras lower his head.

"Yes, son." Slowly and hoarsely, as Saras' voice sounded.

"Have you ever been angry and disappointed just as good time did you know the secret of papah? Especially after taking the boy to this house?” Bella asked who looked doubtful and scared.

He looked at Saras' face with a stern look. This woman who always looked calm indeed rarely showed her angry expression, like this time.

Saras grabs Bella's hand and she kisses her repeatedly with affection. Bella could feel Saras' tears drenching the back of her hand.

Saras' eyes opened when he heard Bella's question. The assumption he had been maybe his daughter was still disappointed in the father so far never keep a family photo in his room without him knowing, not only the sadness that Bella stored, but the guilt.

Saras sighed deeply, rubbed his tears that flowed without sobbing then rubbed Bella's hair with affection. She looked into Bella's eyes warmly and with sadness.

“There is no woman who is not angry and not disappointed when she knows the man she loves has another woman.” Saras was still trying to smile in his deep cries.

“Before you know papah has another woman, mamah always wonders the same yourself, why lately a lot of different things from papah? The way he talks with mamah, the way he looks at mamah, mamah feels very foreign." Saras' eyes glared away as if recalling some of his companionship with Fauzi.

"Fathers rarely start deepalk the same mamah, even though it's our habit before going to bed. Papah more often call the name mamah instead of calling dear as before.”

“Mamah can feel that papah is still the same person only when he interacts with adek and brother. The attention is the same, the worries are the same, the hard attitude is the same, nothing changes at all.” Saras gave a small smile as she recalled the closeness of her two children to her husband.

“Mamah thinks, maybe mamah made a mistake that is not realized but papah awkward to say it. Mamah continued to try to get closer, fixing many things from the mama self but mamah felt papah getting further and further. Many small things become big problems."

"Mamah began to blame himself because he could not understand papah's thinking. Until then mamah asked papah, what is wrong with mamah?” In this sentence Saras' voice sounded heavy. He tried hard to swallow his saliva rough.

“She said, nothing. Just a feeling of sadness. Too long, we like that so the attitude of silence papah, mamah consider is common.” Saras' voice rang out with tears dripping down and he tried to wipe.

“There is a sense of inadmissiveness in the mama but then mamah realized that mamah may be too sensitive because it is getting older. Mamah felt that what changed was the same papah was a mamah. Until finally papah died, mamah felt that the death of papah was too painful because he left when our communication was not okay.”

“You know son, a relationship without communication is not a relationship. It's just an agreement that can be ended at any time because our hearts are not intertwined. Slowly respecting each other faded and by then there was no love."

"Mama began to prejudge this and that, trust began to disappear and actually at that time there was also no reason to continue a relationship other than for the reason there was a feeling of mama children who had to be mamah protect.” There Bella's tears gently. He is still trying to calm down.

“And so adek say papah has another woman, mamah like got an answer and the reason why for many years our relationship is empty, like it has no direction.” Saras tried to smile.

“And about the anger of mamah and the hatred of the treatment of papah, it feels mamah no longer have it. Mama's hatred and anger are much smaller than mama's gratitude because papah gave two extraordinary children in mamah life."

"Again, the one who marries is a human being. He could have made a mistake either intentionally or unintentionally. Your duty is to love him sincerely, forgive his mistakes and accept what should happen in your life.” Saras again kissed Bella's hand and rubbed her head.

He took Bella into his arms. Bella cannot deny that she feels very peaceful while in Saras' arms.

Once, Bella turned her head, looking at the sad face that was still trying to smile.

“Then, why don't you get married again? What is trauma mama?” Ask Bella slowly.

Saras just smiled. He rubbed Bella's head and kissed her gently. Slowly he shook his head.

“Same sweet memories papah that much. So much so that it feels mamah no longer need another man in mamah life."

"Same adek brother is enough. Mamah, just waiting for one day brother to get married, continue to have children. Mama's old age is filled with accompanying grandchildren and brothers raising your children. Right now, that's all you want.” Said Saras who tightened his embrace on Bella.

Bella was just fixated on digesting all of Saras' words. The picture of the relationship of his parents is like a mirror that reflects his relationship with Rangga first.

They love each other, try to do their best but then end up feeling alien to each other.

"Darling, there's one thing you should know." Saras let go of his embrace. He held Bella upright facing her.

He looked at the face that had been crying a lot.

"When you love someone, fight and hold on to him. Do all the best things until you meet the limits enough and reasonable. However, remember to always prepare one larger special space for us to love ourselves. Don't move that space to someone else. Because fat happiness is more important and the happiness of others is not a responsibility of adek."

"Remember, don't put expectations and expectations on a human being. Because the human heart is so easy to change. But believe me, when you've done your best for others, even if bad things happen, the loss of happiness is not good, but others. Yes, baby,...?" Tandas Saras rubbed Bella's hair.

His gaze was so deep and fixed that Bella could feel Saras' message so deep and firmly planted in her heart and mind.

"Yes mah." said Bella who looks calmer.

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