Rashi & Its Bucins
4

...To miss the one I tried to let go of, ...

...Can't you just let go first? ...

...♔...

This was what Rashi had been waiting for most with fear.

When she had not recovered from the loss that tore her soul, Yatha realized that someone who was often with them had gone missing.

Rasya is not the one Yatha will be looking for, because she does not interact much with her brother. But Dad, he was always with Rashi. Maybe Yatha was distracted, but sooner or later she'll know their father is missing.

After a month had passed, Rashi could already carry Yatha.

While enduring the pain.

Swabbed the child's face with his hand that had been cleaned, sticking their forehead. "Dad Kangen, huh?"

"Yatha wants Daddy." She started crying. "Well, why? Yatha doesn't want Papa. I want Dad."

What should Rashi do?

Tell me straight away that Dad's dead?

Or lie to say you're only gone for a little while, until at least Yatha's big enough to understand herself?

Or does he make a figurative father go to heaven?

Either way, it was heavy for Rashi to answer. He who is an adult still wants to ask and need answers, where does the back of his heart go?

There's not a single thing Rashi has done to make you proud. Nothing yet. When Mom was still there, Rashi turned indifferent, then slapped by reality and regretted to the point of near-suicide. After getting up, he promised to make Dad happy, but ended up lying and continuing to lie. Lying to be her good daughter, but behind her being Mahesa's sex doll. Lying that he grew up, but behind him he only grew up on Mahesa's wishes.

Father looked at her as if Rashi was a holy woman, when in fact she was a dirty and despicable child.

Rashi still wants to ask, is there really no chance of her appearing as a good princess without having to lie? Even at Father's death, it was still Mahesa he sought and relied on.

Rashi's answer to Yatha was no, just stroking, trying to put her to sleep but to no avail.

He misses Dad a lot. Crying bitterly until Rashi so joined in crying without a sound.

Yatha is not the type of child who used to run amok—Rashi from childhood taught her (on the teachings of Mahesa and parenting that she got from Mahesa's recommendation book) so that she did not know what it was raging. Yatha just sobbed, kept asking her father to be returned because he wanted to play.

As a result, Rashi has no chance to cook. Haven't made anything for Rasya when his brother came back almost seven o'clock.

Come greeted Yatha's cry, of course Rasya tired.

"What's wrong? Why cry?"

Rashi stroked the boy's head. "Father's Kangen."

As a fellow child who had just been left behind, Rasya quite understood his pain. He crouched down in front of Rashi in order to see clearly Yatha, then picked her up to carry.

"No need for Papa! Want Dad! Want Daddy!"

"Srushshh." Rasya suppressed his rebellion. "Dad go to Mom's, son. Mom's dad's there to stay alone. You have Rashi. Don't cry on. Kasian Rashi."

Where Yatha knows about people's feelings.

She cried as much as she could and Rasya kept persuading me to say Daddy went to Mom's place. But maybe he needs answers too. Because it was different from earlier, Yatha slowly kept quiet.

As if accepting the reason Dad went to accompany Mom.

"Mama."

Rasya moves Yatha into Rashi's arms. "Mending you guys sleeping. Or not eat?"

Don't eat, cook it yet. "Sorry." Rashi reaches out to Rasya to hug them. "I don't cook. Papa laper?"

Rasya pecked the top of his head long enough. Not answering anything, just scrambling Yatha's hair. "Don't cry anymore. Boys have to be strong."

"Yatha same Papa first, yeah. Mama make me eat first."

He doesn't want to. "Your Mom."

"Yatha isn't a laper? Mama laper, you know."

His rejection was punctuated by a whining sound that indicated he did not want to.

Rasya's hands again caressed their sister's head. "You bathein Yatha aja. Let me cook."

"But Papa is tired."

"Udah there. Come down and eat."

Rashi could only nod.

...*...

"You took a bath with Mama."

This has been the umpteenth time Yatha asked to take a bath together as is their custom since childhood.

Since Yatha had no need for a special pool, a special water temperature, and her body had started to be stronger than a helpless little baby, indeed Rashi had often taken her bath together.

Yatha never took a bath with anyone but Rashi. Pun Rashi instilled in his sister not to get too close to others.

When other people tend to be happy to let their little ones be friendly and not fuss over anyone touching them, Mahesa instead teaches Rashi to limit herself. He should know to whom he can indulge, to whom he restrains.

Hence, even accompanied by a bath by Father Yatha did not want to.

The last time the ignorant Rasya wanted to help bathe Yatha, she immediately undressed her in the living room. Yatha spontaneously ran away, because Rashi said undressing should only be in the room.

Rashi considered for a moment Yatha's request, before resignedly nodding his head. Nothing, than she was crying. Not that Rashi did not want to, but because he thought about the stitches in his stomach.

When Yatha saw that, her sister immediately stopped playing foam, looking up until Rashi got into the bathtub.

"Mommy's stomach why?"

Yatha likes this way. If told whispers like he was on a secret mission, he would eagerly carry it out and gladly accept it.

"Mama and Yatha know. Papa don't have to."

Yatha hugged her while whispering, but Rasya was far down, blocked by walls and doors. "Mama why?"

"Nothing. That's what makes Mama healthy. Yatha doesn't want Mama to get sick, does she?"

He shook his head strongly. "Mama can't be sick."

"Yes dong. Hence secret. Secrets, okay?"

"okay."

"Mommy's Promise."

The promise sign that Rashi usually does to Yatha is to kiss the tip of her nose. Whoever among them promises, they will kiss the tip of his nose in exchange for the pinky finger hook.

As Yatha did that, Rashi was closed in holding tightness.

Again, she remembered the baby.

There's something that started to differ in Rashi's head since he knew the baby's whereabouts. It was as if he could not stop thinking about it. Only for a moment can be distracted by another job, then if finished, he will appear to haunt Rashi's mind.

Longing, affection, love, guilt and regret always mount.

"Mama."

But Rashi also knew he could not keep crying.

The urgent situation to hold.

More resilient precisely when he was already very broken apart.

Every whisper of Yatha calling him was like a gesture for Rashi to be more good at hiding those emotions. Rashi took a deep breath, opening his eyes to face back his responsibilities.

A figure of reason he had to endure even if his soul was twisted by a problem. "What, Honey?"

"Om Esa why don't you come?"

His bleeding heart was made to bleed even more.

Yatha knows about Mahesa. Because sometimes Rashi takes her when they meet.

They are both familiar, and Mahesa makes Yatha promise Rashi's way not to tell anyone about her.

Neither did Mahesa let him know.

Yatha is only asked to call her Om Esa, and as much as possible Rashi reduces the chances of Yatha seeing Mahesa's images on the news, social media or whatever.

"Kangen Om Esa yah, Yatha?" Rashi tried to respond positively.

"Yes." Yeah." Yatha nodded as she propped up her chin on Rashi's bent knee. "Yatha would like to do nothing, Papa."

"Papa is good with Yatha. How come Yatha doesn't like Papa?"

"Papa likes tares Yatha bother Mama. About Esa temenin Yatha play."

That was because Rasya did not have time to learn how to handle small children.

He was just being gentle, not knowing that psychologically, the little boy did not accept the word do not. And Rasha's approach was difficult to accept by Yatha who was used to being approached subtly by Rashi.

Dad actually does, but it's certainly different because Dad is his parents.

"Om Esa's working again, honey." Young children will tend to forget someone if they do not meet for a long time. Slowly, Yatha would also forget who Mahesha was. "Mama likes Papa. Mama dear Papa. If there's Papa, Mama's not sad."

Yatha. "Why is Mama?"

That innocent question provoked Rashi to laugh. "Papa's sister Mama's with Yatha. Older brother. Mama's with Yatha."

"Sister?"

"Yes. Yatha call Brother if you want."

"No way." Yatha pouting. "Year of Mama."

"Jude." Rashi began to wash Yatha's body with her fingers. "Yatha cleaning herself dong. You can, right?"

He complied but played. Rashi just watched it while silently pensively thinking about him.

It's been a month that Rashi hasn't done anything. It is not possible forever that he will be in conflict with education and other obligations.

There has been no talk of Rashi on Rasya about moving. It needs to be taken care of because Maespati is a private school that is also quite prestigious. There is money in Rashi's savings, a gift from the family that is combined with his savings. Rashi had worked at Dvs— coffee shop owned by Mahesa who had branched a lot. Her name is taken from Deev's initials, Deevana, Mahesa's only dearest girl.

He's different, Rashi must emphasize. For when all the other girls, including Rashi, bowed under Mahesa, Deev was the only one who made Mahesa submissive. He is the true love of Mahesa Mahardika, and it is manifested from confining Deev in a high-security luxury mansion, his hands, feet, his neck shackled, spending his life playing puzzles, putting together miniatures of the city, playing chess, while watching the entire movement of Mahesa's business.

He is also the strategist who became the key to Mahesa's big dream.

For Deev's sake, Mahesa might be willing to start a war against the world.

Okay, why is Rashi jealous? Shit, forget it. His feelings for Mahesa are the greatest folly if continued.

Rashi had worked in Mahesa's shop for a year as her servant. For the job Mahesa gave a salary— which is actually not worth it, because Rashi was just a waiter, but Mahesa gave him three times as much as— and then the money was used as investment capital, then the results were doubled for Rashi.

Why should it be so difficult if the end Mahesa want to give money? Because he knew there would be an end to Rashi's escape, or maybe he predicted Rashi's rejection, so Mahesa made it look like it belonged to Rashi, the result of his hard work, so don't return it.

Rashi will use the money to pay for the school fees. And because sooner or later the legacy money will also be given, at least Rashi does not need to burden Rasya for school problems.

But secretly Rashi is scared.

Can ... he live without Mahesa?

...*...