CUTS
The Road to Zina...

“Aww...” Cut woke up from his sleep because his legs were sore.

“Sorry to surprise you. I let you sleep because I saw you exhausted. Now you want magrib, you can continue to sleep later tonight.”

“Sorry I treated your feet without permission.” Khalid is back.

I noticed the scratches on my feet had been affixed with red medicine. “Rendra where?” I panicked when I realized that Rendra was not with me.

“Rendra?”

“Children Bang Ilham.”

“You changed his name?”

“Not important, where is he?” I panicked and was about to wake up but Khalid immediately restrained me.

“She's playing with her dad's friends again. Now answer my question! Why did you change the name of Ilham?”

“I don't know his name, the nurse at the hospital asked his name back then. So, I gave the name that crossed my mind only.”

“Including name Rendra?” I rarely lie and it's easy to know if I'm lying. What am I supposed to say? Should I be honest with him? But, for what? He is nobody in my life.

“Rendra's name was pinned by one of the guards there because he loved Rendra.”

“He's an infidel who served in your village right?”

I looked at Khalid full of hatred. “Do not deny someone let alone he also adheres to the same religion as us.” Khalid was angry, I could feel him staring at me with emotion emanating from the look in his eyes and his jaw suddenly hardened. I don't care anymore, nothing is impossible for God including saving me from this tiger's den. However, coming out alive in perfect condition was impossible.

“We'll get married tomorrow!” Khalid left carrying with him the stifled emotions while I pecked with the raging thoughts.  How could he force his will to marry me. It's gone too far, I can't accept this coercion.

I went out looking for Rendra, apparently the boy was with some men who looked young. “Rendra,” He immediately approached me with a happy smile that radiated across his face.

The day had darkened, I went back inside the tent. A woman came to bring us food. The woman was young and her face was also sweet only one lacking, she looked shabby and less well-groomed. “Kak,” I call him by the designation ‘kak’ as a courtesy. Even if examined, maybe our age is the same.

“Ya.”

“Can I borrow mukena? I want to pray.”

“Shortly, I take it first.” The woman came out, Rendra was approaching the talam which contains a makeshift meal typical of forest dwellers or rather the typical food of the rebels. Bananas and boiled yams covered in coconut.

The woman went back into the tent with a medium-sized seuke bag. Seuke is a thorny pandan leaf used to make various crafts in our area. Many women in our blood who work as a mat manufacturer whose raw materials from seuke.

“Come, I'll take you to fetch water praying.” I nodded and held Rendra.

“Just leave it with them, pity him the night you take him to the river.”

“We're on the river?” The woman nodded her head.

“Bang, I tipped Teuku for a moment, Can you? I want to pray.”

“Iya, please. We'll take care of it.” They welcomed Rendra well. I no longer call Rendra's name. This place makes me realize one thing, those who have lived with my brother must know the name Rendra. The proof, they are still memorized by the name given to both parents first.

“Whose Sister's name?” I asked as we walked down the forest to the river.

“Halimah, you?”

“I Cut Zulaikha. Brother been here long?”

“Older Brother allows Brother to stay here?”

“They are dead, killed by the savage apparatus.”

“Why?”

“My parents love to give donations and rice to the brothers here. The police thought my father and mother were angry. Though they only want to help our fighters.”

“Sister doesn't have a brother? I mean brother or sister?”

“I have an older brother and have now joined the army inong balee because her husband was killed by the apparatus. You don't want to join us to continue your brother's struggle?”

“I can't leave the old Abu and Umi. There's Teuku I have to take care of so I can't join the brothers here.”

“Tomorrow you will marry Bang Khalid, inevitably you will also have to leave your parents.” I jerked. My intention is to wash my face with urung river water already. Under the moonlight that peered behind the towering leaves of the trees. I looked at the woman beside me.

“What has Bang Khalid told everyone here?”

“Yesterday he said if his future wife will come here then you will get married.”

Oh my God, right now I really want to run from here. I didn't think this deep when I heard Khalid's words. “Quick grab the prayer water, we have long left the tent!”

I immediately took the wudu and prayed magrib on the riverbank. With a bag of woven pandan thorn leaves I make a face base when prostrating. “Yes Allah, forgive all sins of the servants. Accept the repentance of the servant. At the end of this age, I still wish your wonders for my servant and Rendra. Oh God, save us. Turn off the servant near the two servant parents. O Allah, turn off the servant in the state of Husnul khatimah.”

“You're like someone who wants to die. You want to get married, you should pray that your marriage is smooth and blessed.” Halima was curious about the prayer that I offered in a voice sufficient to hear her beside me.

“Wedding without the blessing of both parents will not run smoothly and blessings. In the religion already explained, if a girl wants to get married she must get the blessing of a guardian and be married by her guardian if her guardian is still alive. Bang Khalid had been rejected by both my parents and now he kidnapped me to marry without Abu and Umi. I'm not sure this marriage will work. And this marriage is just like adultery because it is not legally religious.”

Halima did not answer me anymore, she immediately invited me back to the tent. “Do you like Bang Khalid?” I laughed at Halimah's question.

“I don't know him how to like him.”

“He's handsome and kind, all women love him. Why don't you like it?”

“Do you like it too? I don't like forced men. For me, a forced man is a man who does not want to admit his weaknesses and prefers to rule. I don't like guys like that.”

“Keep, what kind of man do you like?”

“As Ash. I like men who have traits and characters like Ashes. Every time I see Abu and Umi, I always hope to get a husband like Abu later.

“Why did your parents reject Bang Khalid?”

“Every parent would want the best for their child. So too with Abu. We were born from a lineage that must be maintained so the family is very forbidding if we marry someone who is not ‘Teuku’.”

“Why did your parents sort out people by lineage. God alone does not choose his creatures on the basis of heredity. What is seen is only charity, not him born of whose offspring. Cook you weren't taught about it in the study.”

For a moment I was silent, what Halimah said was true. Abu himself only used that excuse to reject Khalid not to reject all men. Now I also use that excuse to reject Khalid and it seems that I did not take the right excuse until the arrow that I released turned to stab me.

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